Friday, September 10, 2010

Top Ten Reasons Terry Jones Postponed his Koran Burning.

After exhorting his followers on his Facebook page to burn a Quran on September 11th, the Reverend Terry Jones of Gainesville, Florida has decided to postpone if not cancel the event. The Rev. Jones cited a deal being reached with the Park51 authorities as the reason why he has suspended the burning of the Muslim holy book yet no one associated with the Park51 project had ever heard of such a deal. What were the top ten real reasons for Rev. Jones to suspend the burning of the Koran?

  • 10) Monty Python's Terry Jones protested it would make the British comedy troupe look silly by association.

  • 9) It would rob fellow conservative Ted Bundy of his notorious association with Gainesville.

  • 8) Jones & Co. decided a more respectful way to observe September 11th is to hold a pig roast at a mosque.

  • 7) Followers constantly confused as whether to burn a Koran or a Quran.

  • 6) Rev. Jones afraid of singeing his Fu Manchu moustache that gets him "shitloads of pussy at the local bars, dude."

  • 5) Deal breaker in negotiations was Imam Muhammad Musri's insistence on using Sam Walton's autobiography and the Rev. Franklin Graham as kindling.

  • 4) Republicans couldn't find enough adults to supervise bonfire.

  • 3) Not enough Gainesville homosexuals willing to allow themselves to be used as sacrificial virgins.

  • 2) Rev. Jones still not permitted by his therapist to play with matches after another incident involving the Christian Science Monitor and its refusal to publish his pornographic limericks.

  • 1) Evangelicals and Republicans have yet to discover, invent or steal the secret for making fire.
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