Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Glenn Beck Wins Nobel Prize for Literature


Just one year after Barack Obama improbably won the Nobel Peace prize after just six weeks in office, the Prize Committee has just announced that Glenn Beck will receive the Nobel Prize for Literature.

Beck’s highly-praised book, The Overton Window, is considered to be largely instrumental to the conservative Fox News pundit winning literature’s richest and most prestigious prize. But the panel, hastily assembled after all the former judges met with grisly but accidental deaths, cited Beck’s other works, including, A Man, a Blackboard and a Liberal Conspiracy, Why I Cry Like a Colicy Baby for America and Goldfinger 2.

"Mr. Beck's ouvre ton coeur," said judge Tim LaHaye of the Left Behind series, "contains more than a liberal, if you'll pardon the expression, admixture of conservatism, paranoia and hypervigilance of reverse racism. But perhaps I'm being tautological."

The Overton Window was co-written by young, up-and-coming authors Kevin Balfe, Emily Bestler, and Jack Henderson who'd received no more mention from the judging panel than they did on the cover of the Simon & Schuster blockbuster. It's hard to see why, since all three authors combined have published four books of their own, including The Murderer Who Killed, Do Me Again, You Nasty Sailor Boy and Barack Obama and the Koran: How the 44th President Was Predicted in the Muslim Heathen Holy Book.

"The Overton Window," said Sean Hannity, also on the Nobel judging panel, "is a heart-rending but unflinching look at the liberal agenda that is nonetheless defeated time and again by a shrinking, ideologically malnourished Republican minority in Congress." But not all the reviews to the book have been kind. Kirkus Reviews wrote last June, "Glenn Beck's ghostwritten book, The Overton Window, is a ghastly, adolescent primordial ooze of letters and punctuation marks intermittently shot through with literacy."

"If the judging panel had given it to anyone else, I would've killed them with a baseball bat," said fellow New York Times bestselling author Ann Coulter.


Beck joins a long list of other American literary legends who have won the prize, including Ernest Hemingway, Pearl S. Buck and John Steinbeck. Beck will be the first American Nobel literature laureate who still cannot spell the word "oligarch" and writes all his books on mp3 wireless recorders and colored chalk.

Beck will receive his prize not in Stockholm as per tradition but in Goldline's corporate headquarters in Santa Monica, California. When reached at his glassed-in, bulletproof office at Fox News, Beck was asked if he would sink his new fortune into Goldline gold coins.

Beck still has not stopped laughing.

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