Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas Gifts For that Special Wingnut
Still stuck for an idea for that special wingnut in your family? You could do a lot worse than to stop off at Miss Poppy's site that's dedicated to collecting actual Christian merchandise and selling them at one website. The stigmata temporary tattoos are sure to please that miserable, whiny Christian in the family with the Messianic complex.
Next, what better way to show how you revere life than to eat the unborn? Yes, this fetus cookie cutter makes faux cannibalism fun and festive for the holidays!
On your way to an exorcism but Fathers Karras and Merrin got wiped out by the host or hostess? No problem! Just stop in at your local Catholic church, dip this baby in the little birdbath near the door and you, too, will be scarring the faces of the possessed in no time flat with this handy dandy little flask. Also perfect for rotgut between exorcisms.
Addicted to internet porn and those wicked liberal political blogs? Temper your sinful online proclivities with this anima sola mousepad that reminds you where you'll end up if you keep going to www.cumthirstyhousewives.com.
For those online activists with a purer mindset, there's this Jesus Lock 'n' Load mousepad that perfectly captures the true agenda of our Lord and Savior: Accept me, bitches, or I'll turn the other cheek... bloody.
Meanwhile, Cafepress never fails to disappoint those looking for staunchly conservative presents for our staunchly conservative loved ones. Such as this bumper sticker, which makes the brilliant observation that only liberals have been thrown out of work and that all conservatives are gainfully employed.
Remember that fabulous GOP shirt Tom DeLay wore on Dancing With the Stars? Well, in case your own wife or random little girls on the playground don't already know it, these roomy boxer shorts proudly show your conservative party affiliations. Although, for the life of me, I don't know where the trunk is supposed to go.
Hard to get your wife in the mood? Then consider these Sheriff Joe Arpaio boxer shorts a sure fire cure for the bedtime blues. Imagine how her eyes will open wide when she sees the face of Sheriff Joe distended with your manly tumescence. (Sorry, not available in pink.)
Where does it say that Christmas has to be Christian and nonpartisan? Proudly smear our President and "rebutt" the president's policies with this unassailable argument courtesy of Amazon.com.
In order to show you're not a racist, there's this Chia Obama, also available from Amazon, that sports a growing green afro. It would've been interesting to see how they would've managed a Chia McCain had he won two years ago.
This hot-selling action figure of Sarah Palin in a skimpy school girl skirt appeals to the most cherished fantasy of every liberal: That Sarah Palin would go back to school.
Courtesy yet again of Amazon, there's this Security Checkpoint setup from PlayMobil. Yes, your child can now have fun with fear of getting his 4th amendment rights violated at the airport. All figures come with action genital grip and removable shoes. 5000 optional disgruntled passengers waiting in line behind not included.
For just $20 (+s&h), you can get a one dollar coin commemorating Ronald Reagan's 100th birthday on February 6, 2011. It's just like the old bastard never left. The head side of the coin features a remarkable likeness of the 40th president or it would if he'd been stabbed in both eyes with an ice pick.
Afraid that Obama will break into your house and fuck your wife and underaged daughters? We got that covered with this handy dandy bedside gun rack that puts instant death right at your fingertips when you sit up in a daze in the dark!
Celebrate the holidays by merging the old with the new. Put the Christ and the KKK back in Christmas with this CHRIST-mas tree (courtesy of Right Wing Watch). This proud creation of Tennessean Marsha Boggs was inspired as an answer to "the war on Xmas" that Bill O'Reilly no doubt told her about. The detachable cross also doubles as a brilliant reminder of wanting to keep white, Christian property values up whenever a black family moves into the neighborhood.
Posted by jurassicpork at 5:16 PM