Sunday, January 16, 2011

Being a Baby Boomer Sucks

Today's my 52nd birthday and while I guess at this age I should be happy for any day I wake up, I'm also not very happy about it. Being a baby boomer suddenly isn't very fun, anymore, and here are some reasons why:

  • 10) I'm now getting, I shit you not, offers from the AARP and news alerts about hip replacement recalls. I suppose after today, I'll be getting brochures from Forest Lawn.

  • 9) My still-living friends are now vastly outnumbered by the celebrities I don't recognize.

  • 8) I find myself talking more and more about "the good old days" that I complained about while I was living through them.

  • 7) I still remember back when cars had points, credit cards were made of cardboard and you could actually grab a pack of cigarettes before buying them.

  • 6) Teenagers started calling me "sir" years ago and the only people who call me "young man" are nursing home residents.

  • 5) My health insurance, if I had it, would be almost eight times what my car insurance costs.

  • 4) Even kids and dogs think twice before jumping on me.

  • 3) Movies I've seen and books I've read are brand new again after more than a year.

  • 2) I still remember Ronald Reagan in Death Valley Days, sponsored by Borax.

  • 1) For the first time in my life, the President of the United States is younger than me.

  • So yeah, it sucks being a baby boomer. If you want to make my birthday a little happier, you know where the Paypal button is (bottom of the page) or you can buy a copy of my novel American Zen, which is still on sale for $2.99 on Kindle.

    But later today, Mrs. JP and I will go a local pub and hoist a couple while watching the Patriots annihilate the Jets in the first round of the playoffs. Go Pats!!!


    1. I remember when there were no Jets.

    2. I remember when the Wright Brothers were crashing into North Carolina.

    3. JP, sorry that your Patriots didn't perform up to your expectations on your birthday. My Jets surprised the hell out of me, especially because they looked like absolute dogs from the start of the game. My condolences on your team's loss - I hope that you at least enjoyed the rest of your birthday!

      Jane E. Schneider aka JaneElizabethTheresaSechny

    4. I'm 10 years older than you, so know that there are lots more AARP ads to look forward to.

      A couple of the things on your list do remind me of the game my first wife and I used to play which involved completing the sentence "You know you're getting old when." One of the answers was "You know you're getting old when someone sighs, looks off dreamily, and says 'You remember when...' - and you do."

      But hey, you remember Ronald Reagan hosting Death Valley Days? Hell, I remember the Old Ranger. No, not the Lone Ranger, the Old Ranger, who hosted the show before RR did.

    5. Argh! Ya hadda remind and twist the knife, didn't you, Jane?

    6. Sorry, JP, I thought I picked up a pen instead of a knife. ;)

      C'mon, you have to realize that, as an all-too-often-disappointed/disgusted Jets fan, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Hell, I popped a Xanax before the game even STARTED, just in case! :D


    7. It was like the fucking Super Bowl in 2008 all over again. And we lost to another NY team.

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