Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Sarah Palin's Top 10 Qualities for a Presidential Candidate

Recently on Entertainment Tonight, Sarah Palin listed what qualities she finds ideal in a Republican presidential candidate. Among the qualities listed, being a Constitutional conservative and being dismissive of what the media may think of them. But Gov. Palin also listed other qualities she finds admirable in a GOP White House candidate. What were they?

  • 10) The ability to hire a literary agent to get them $7,000,000 for a book without writing a single word.

  • 9) The ability to inexplicably augment fame and fortune without the benefit of public office, political courage or two operable neurons to rub together.

  • 8) The ability to retain so much relevance based on tiny Tea Party rallies that your homophobic 16 year old daughter's routine Facebook flame wars set the Huffington Post ablaze.

  • 7) The ability to make Soylent Green death panels seem like a reality to creatures on two legs.

  • 6) The ability to make liberals waste millions of man hours online without being in possession of a single fact.

  • 5) The ability to plausibly deny global warming even when ice shelves the size of Rhode Island are dropping into the drink.

  • 4) Someone who can make President Obama simultaneously look like both a Communist and a Nazi.

  • 3) Someone remaining politically relevant through one channel, Facebook and Twitter.

  • 2) The ability to ignorantly coin new words like "refudiate" and still make it "the top word of the year."

  • 1) Someone who can get a Senate candidate elected in their own state.

    1. Someone who can see Russia from their back porch.

      Someone who can shoot a wolf from a hovering helicopter.

      Someone who can shoot, gut and skin a Moose and have Moose burgers on the table with a nice potato salad the same evening.

      Someone who can't find the under wear that was bought with a political parties money.

      Some one who can't fly commercial.

      Some one who went to five different colleges.

      Someone who left Hawaii because there were too many natives.

      Yadda fucking Yadda, the women isn't qualified to scrub toilets.

    2. Someone who can capture the minds of the heartless and the hearts of the mindless.

    3. Someone who can capture the minds of the heartless and the hearts of the mindless. Damn you for thinking of that before me!


    What is it NOW?